japanesedream_72: (sad)
[personal profile] japanesedream_72
Don't forget to read about Day 5 - http://japanesedream.livejournal.com/409395.html

There's not a great deal I can say about this day. It continues to exist in my thoughts on a tremendously personal & emotional level.

I spent pretty much the entire day in tears.

[livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky & I talked as we readied ourselves for a morning that would, no doubt, be difficult. I wanted to thank her mom for being so kind as to put me up (& put up with me, LOL), but I couldn't get the words out. Not until much later, in the car as she was driving us to the train station.

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The toughest moment (before my actual departure, anyway) came in the car. We're going over the bridge & I'm looking out onto the city. I'd seen this sight every day as we journeyed from Chatauguay into Montreal, & I was loathe to leave it all behind. I started crying, kind of quietly. [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky's mom started playing Dir en grey's new album, not in order, just randomly, specifically a song called "Vanitas". It's a really beautifully-constructed ballad. But I was too emotional at that point, & it was making me cry a bit harder.

When Kyo sang a line that included the word "sayounara", I burst into an uncontrollable fit of tears. [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky actually had to tell her mom to play something else.

Her mom felt bad, but it wasn't her fault. It really is a lovely song. She put on another song, I can't recall the title but I think it's the last track on the album, which is still pretty but harder-edged, so it wasn't as crushing. Once in the city, we proved to be a bit early, so we stopped at a little cafe-type place so [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky could have coffee & pick one up for her mom. Her mom said we could sit there for a bit, but I wasn't able to partake of anything, even tho' I was offered. Food & drink weren't even an option at that point. All I wanted to do was cry.

The whole of life felt as though it were falling over the cat in those moments.

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Took a picture of a pretty church, Queen Mary of the World, as we passed it on the way to the train station. Also got a quick look at Dorchester Square, & Montreal's replica of the Paris Metropolitan entrance (http://www.visitingdc.com/images/paris-metro.jpg).

My heart sank into my stomach as we pulled into Gare Centrale, the station where I'd arrived a few glorious days before. I thanked [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky's mom again, bid her good-bye (for now, at least), & [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky went in with me. The currency exchange offices were closed, so I've still got my Canadian cash.

We found out where the line for the train was, & it was a bit of a wait. We were glad. Gave us some more time.

I left [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky not with a 'good-bye' but with an 'au revoir'. She says those are nicer. I agree. Less final. As the Witches say, 'merry meet & merry part...& merry meet again'.

On the train, I had a seat to myself. Took one last picture of Montreal as we pulled away.

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Slept half the way back. Cried the other half.

I'm here now, & life, such as it is, returns to "normal". Maybe my experiences during this trip will motivate me to effect more of the change I've been seeking for so long. I certainly hope so. It's been tremendously difficult, being back. If a zombie got to be alive again for a few days & then had to go back to being a zombie, I think I'd know how it felt.

It was amazing while it lasted, tho'.


To whoever's read all of this, thank you.

More importantly, to [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky & her family, thank you. For everything.
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