japanesedream_72: (sad)
[personal profile] japanesedream_72
Don't forget to read about Day 5 - http://japanesedream.livejournal.com/409395.html

There's not a great deal I can say about this day. It continues to exist in my thoughts on a tremendously personal & emotional level.

I spent pretty much the entire day in tears.

[livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky & I talked as we readied ourselves for a morning that would, no doubt, be difficult. I wanted to thank her mom for being so kind as to put me up (& put up with me, LOL), but I couldn't get the words out. Not until much later, in the car as she was driving us to the train station.




The toughest moment (before my actual departure, anyway) came in the car. We're going over the bridge & I'm looking out onto the city. I'd seen this sight every day as we journeyed from Chatauguay into Montreal, & I was loathe to leave it all behind. I started crying, kind of quietly. [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky's mom started playing Dir en grey's new album, not in order, just randomly, specifically a song called "Vanitas". It's a really beautifully-constructed ballad. But I was too emotional at that point, & it was making me cry a bit harder.

When Kyo sang a line that included the word "sayounara", I burst into an uncontrollable fit of tears. [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky actually had to tell her mom to play something else.

Her mom felt bad, but it wasn't her fault. It really is a lovely song. She put on another song, I can't recall the title but I think it's the last track on the album, which is still pretty but harder-edged, so it wasn't as crushing. Once in the city, we proved to be a bit early, so we stopped at a little cafe-type place so [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky could have coffee & pick one up for her mom. Her mom said we could sit there for a bit, but I wasn't able to partake of anything, even tho' I was offered. Food & drink weren't even an option at that point. All I wanted to do was cry.

The whole of life felt as though it were falling over the cat in those moments.


Took a picture of a pretty church, Queen Mary of the World, as we passed it on the way to the train station. Also got a quick look at Dorchester Square, & Montreal's replica of the Paris Metropolitan entrance (http://www.visitingdc.com/images/paris-metro.jpg).

My heart sank into my stomach as we pulled into Gare Centrale, the station where I'd arrived a few glorious days before. I thanked [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky's mom again, bid her good-bye (for now, at least), & [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky went in with me. The currency exchange offices were closed, so I've still got my Canadian cash.

We found out where the line for the train was, & it was a bit of a wait. We were glad. Gave us some more time.

I left [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky not with a 'good-bye' but with an 'au revoir'. She says those are nicer. I agree. Less final. As the Witches say, 'merry meet & merry part...& merry meet again'.

On the train, I had a seat to myself. Took one last picture of Montreal as we pulled away.


Slept half the way back. Cried the other half.

I'm here now, & life, such as it is, returns to "normal". Maybe my experiences during this trip will motivate me to effect more of the change I've been seeking for so long. I certainly hope so. It's been tremendously difficult, being back. If a zombie got to be alive again for a few days & then had to go back to being a zombie, I think I'd know how it felt.

It was amazing while it lasted, tho'.

To whoever's read all of this, thank you.

More importantly, to [livejournal.com profile] teacup_sky & her family, thank you. For everything.
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